染雾Our School
图为上海102中学平面图（diagram），请将此图用英语作具体说明，以便于参观者了解该校的校园风貌。词数：120左右。
说明：A. 学校大门B. 图书馆C. 花池D. 实验楼E. 教学楼（四层，两头为教师办公室）F. 食堂G. 操场（校园四周均为树木）
习作评析（4）
习作题目
图为上海102中学平面图（diagram），请将此图用英语作具体说明，以便于参观者了解该校的校园风貌。词数：120左右。
说明：A. 学校大门B. 图书馆C. 花池D. 实验楼E. 教学楼（四层，两头为教师办公室）F. 食
学生原文
Our School
Ladies and Gentlemen,
This is the diagram of Shanghai No. 102 Middle School. It is 720 meters long and 480 meters wide. It is a pretty large middle school.
Its gate faces south. When you enter into(1) gate, a beautiful flower garden comes into your view. Here are various plants and flowers and also a pool of(2) green water and fish swimming free(3) . On the left of the garden is the school library building and on the right, the lab building. Go further ∧(4) you will see a four-storeyed teaching building standing in the middle of the school. It is teaching office (5) at both ends. Behind the teaching building is a large playground and besides (6) the playground is the dining hall. Trees are planted all around the school. How beautiful the school looks! Welcome to visit our school.
修改说明
（1）enter为及物动词，应直接跟宾语，去掉into。
（2）green water属定语部分，所以of应改为with。
（3）swim为行为动词，应用副词修饰，free应改为freely。
（4）祈使句表条件时，应用and或then引导连接结果分句。
（5）根据语境，office应改为复数形式offices。
（6）表“在……旁边”应用beside而不用besides。
修改后的文章
Our School
Ladies and Gentlemen,
This is the diagram of Shanghai No. 102 Middle School. It is 720 meters long and 480 meters wide. It is pretty large middle school.
Its gate faces south. When you enter the gate, a beautiful flower garden comes into your view. Here are various plants and flowers and also a pool with green water and fish swimming freely.
